For some reason today, I feel speechless. My heart is aching for those who have gone through terrible things in the past, much like myself, and now I know how Jesus must feel when he sees his children suffer, or take the things that happen in their lives and lock them in their hearts, instead of giving them to him. When I saw this video and heard this young lady speak about blaming herself for her parents’ divorcing, and how that lack of self-esteem grew to the point of wanting to kill herself, it brought back how as a teen I felt that way. I thank God for coming into my life and giving me hope and peace, before I got to this level of depression. I praise God that he came into this young woman’s life and wiped all that self-doubt and self-hatred away. This week my heart is crying out for my own daughters, praying that each would come to Christ, and give their self-doubts, their anger, their hurts, their lives to Jesus. I guess, this week the heart of the mom in me is really feeling the need to mourn for young women all over the world who are facing trials and tribulations, self-esteem issues, and depression. I’m thankful that in my speechlessness, when I can’t even express the words I want to in prayer, God’s Holy Spirit is already kneeling at the throne of God uttering to the Lord, what I can’t expres. Right now, all I want to do is to hug every young woman who is hurting inside, and let them know that it will be okay…that Jesus loves them and will always be there to help them through it all.
Monthly Archives: April 2012
Every morning when I rise
I greet the morning sun,
Then I look into the mirror
To see what time has done.
For each heartache, pain, and trial,
That in life I’ve faced,
On the pallet of my skin,
A line or wrinkle’s traced.
How thrilled I am that God can see,
Not the lines of age and pain,
But what’s deep in the heart of me,
And the joy that life would drain.
He see the love I have for Him,
As in my heart it glows,
He doesn’t see the ugliness,
That life has dealt with blows.
God sees the peace my heart now feels,
Because I am His own.
He sees what’s deep inside of me,
And sees love’s seeds He has sown.
By: Bonita L. Ledzius…copyright 2007
Sitting here alone
No one by my side.
Can I face this trial,
And push my pain aside?
Picking up my Bible,
I look into Your Word.
You lead me to a passage,
Where Your answer can be heard.
I’m not by myself.
I’m never alone.
I have my Jesus.
He’s still on His throne.
He’s ever beside me,
To lead and to guide.
I’m not by myself,
‘Cause He’s right by my side.
Father, let me pray
With all my heart and soul.
To reach You in a way
That allows You full control.
Father, let me pray,
And feel Your presence near
And with each word I say
Express my joy and tears.
Father, let me pray
With hope, and faith, and love.
Let my spirit, every day
Reach Your loving heart above.
And Father, when I pray,
Although I know You’re there,
Let your Holy Spirit hold me such,
That I have faith to know You hear.
Only by the grace of God,
Have all my sins been cleared.
Only by His love and grace,
Comes the end of all I feared.
Only by His precious love,
Can my pain be shared.
Only by His mighty power,
Was my whole life spared.
Only because of Jesus,
Is my life brand new.
Only because He loved me,
Can His love I share with you.
Only because He died
On that rugged Calvary tree,
Can His love live in my heart,
To be shared with all I see.
By: Bonita L. Ledzius…Copyright 2005
After a wonderful night chatting with Sara of http://kyllingsara.wordpress.com/ I promised to post this poem I wrote just to honor her new commitment to Jesus. It was a poem I wrote way back in the 80’s when I realized that God had indeed been at work changing my heart. So this is for all my fellow Christian bloggers, but especially for Sara…my new sister-in-Christ.
The Gardener came into the garden,
Wanting to take its beauty in.
Instead of lovely colors,
The garden was black with sin.
The Gardener looked so sad,
As the garden he began to tend.
How sad it made Him, that the owner
Had brought it to this end.
The weeds of sin had grown
until the plants could get no light,
And the weeds wrapped their vines around them,
Until the plants could no longer fight.
The flowers’ colors began to wilt,
Until not a single one remained.
All that was left was darkest black,
Finally in an attempt to free the garden,
From its captive sinful weeds,
The owner called in the Gardener,
To plant new kinds of seeds.
The Gardener began his work
By cutting out the sin,
Until at last, through his hard work,
He let the sun shine in.
He pruned, cleared, plowed, and planted anew,
Until at last he found,
That all the colors were coming back,
And beauty was all around.
Christ is that Gardener,
My life His handiwork.
Ridding weeds where ‘ere they lurk.
He gives my life new beauty,
Filled with love, hope, joy and peace.
And with Him as my Gardener,
This beauty will never cease.
A note to Sara…He has began a work in you that will result in even more beauty coming into your heart. It takes time, but step by step you will see God’s Work in you that will show your love and faith has grown, and the past weeds of hurt, anger and pain have been weeded out. In their place God will plant the seeds of love, joy, peace, mercy, grace, understanding, forgiveness, and hope, and they will bloom into beautiful flowers in your life.
To others reading this post…if you have not accepted Christ as your Savior, and your life and your heart fill black with sin, anger, hurt, and pain, consider calling in Jesus the Gardener to help you clear those weeds out, and allow him to change your heart, and change your life.
I’m sitting here at the computer, but am being held hostage by my tween daughter, JK. She wants me to stay on her blog, All in the Life of Jk, so she can watch her stat meters change. She’s hoping for 50 views in the next few minutes and won’t let me do anything else until she gets those views…lol. Please rescue me and visit her bloggggggg…Pllleeeeeassseee help meeeeeeee!
My daughter researched and wrote her latest blog. Her writing improves daily in little ways, and I’m proud of the excitement she is showing in doing research and then writing about it. She takes notes, writes a rough draft, and then types it out onto her blog. What a great way this has been to get her interested in writing reports for homeschooling. I hope you will check it out and read what she learned about Basset Hounds. Her own pet is a Basset Hound/Beagle mix, and finding out about one of the breeds of her own pet really excited her. Here is the link to her new post… http://allinthelifeofjk.wordpress.com/
The night before last I had a harrowing experience. All day on Tuesday I had felt a growing pressure in my chest, and thought I was having problems with my asthma. During the day I had to use my inhaler 3 different times just to get some air in my lungs. I didn’t think much of it, except…”Hmm…wonder if I’m catching a chest cold?” I’ve been very susceptible to catching colds, viruses, strep, and flus since I was a child, but even more as I get older and since they diagnosed me with Epstein-Barre Syndrom brought on by a 3-month case of Bronchitus. Well, the day wore on with the feeling of pressure in my chest, but it didn’t seem to get worse, or better at all. Then about 11:15 p.m., while sitting on my bed checking emails, I suddenly felt like something gripped my heart and was twisting it violently. Pain wracked my back in the center between my shoulder blades, and a sharp pain radiated down the inside of my left arm to my elbow. I thought first it was a catch in my back and so I stood up to stretch and found myself falling back to my bed, dizzy, and doubled up in excruciating pain. I’d never in my life felt anything like this,and lay there clutching my chest crying and not able to talk because I couldn’t breathe. My youngest daughter heard me fall and came running into the room, and she looked frightened. Even in extreme pain the mother in me kicked in, and at that moment all I could think is to tell her to pray, and then instead of screaming in pain, force myself to just say “Lord Jesus, help me please!” Then my husband, who had been asleep for over 3 hours, woke to my cries and praying, and he didn’t wake up in a good mood. Instead he woke up in a very grumpy mood, raising his voice and saying…”Well…what do you want me to do for you?!” This only added to my frustration and anguish. Couldn’t he see that I was clinching my heart and writhing in pain? Couldn’t he hear my cries to Jesus for help? Didn’t he listen to my daughter telling him what was going on? I was in shock, heartbroken, and the tears flowed even more. I could understand him being upset about being woken up…if it was for a foolish reason, but for his wife lieing there possibly dieing…really?! Then he added another blow with his question…”Do I need to take you to the hospital?” It wasn’t said with compassion, but more like he was irritated that he might have to? Then I became irritated with him as well. Was I going to have to tell him what to do? I could barely say, Help me Jesus, and this man wanted me to tell him how to help me! To say I was in shock is mild, because in my pain-racked, worried mind, I couldn’t believe this man who had taken first aid training in the past, didn’t seem to know what to do, nor had the compassion to do it! I now felt like Satan was literally attacking me, not only through the pain, but through the hurtful attitudes and words. I guess he didn’t realize how serious it was until he tried to stand me up to go to the hospital and the dizziness and pain drove me back down onto the bed once more. He finally realized he needed to call 9-1-1. The rest is a blur of paramedics, ambulance ride, shaking uncontrollably, pain, bumpy roads, oxygen mask, needles sticking me, xrays, EKGs, Nitroglycerin given to me, more needles, 2 I.V.s stuck in me, lots of questions, no sleep and no food or drink for 24 hours, nice nurses, rude nurses, doctors who didn’t seem to have a clue, one doctor that was in denial about her responsibility for my high cholesterol not being treated after 4 years (I had been a patient of hers), more words that came uncaringly from my husband (He thought he was showing that he understood by calling attention to himself…He picked the wrong words to do it), confusing information from doctors with a diagnosis that didn’t match what they were saying about test results, and finally after an overnight stay that made me think “this is what Hell must be like” I finally was let go home with the arrival of a male nurse with a to-go-cup of ice water, saying “Surprise! here is your last cup of ice water in this hospital!” My thought at that moment…”Yeah, and since it is also the only glass a water that I’ve been given in 24 hours should I be thankful?” Needless to say, I left with a migraine and still having chest pain and constriction, starving, so thirsty my lips were cracking, and a broken heart from unnecessary attitudes and words. I cried all the way home…that is silently cried because the tears flowed but I couldn’t make a sound. In my heart all I could pray was…”Why, Lord?” Stopping to pick up my prescriptions only made things worse, as we found out the nurse did not call in the doctor’s prescription like she said she did when we left. Then frustration grew when my husband said, “What a pain this all is!” Words said…argument…appetite ruined from the nausea that comes from anger, and all I wanted to do was go home, crawl in bed and cry. Why, Lord? Did I deserve this? We get home, and I carry in everything, no help, no one making sure I didn’t fall, no compassion at all. Lord, isn’t there anything that can turn this around now? I made it up the stairs to my bedroom, and as I sat down on the bed, over on my keyboard something caught my eye. It was a poem I had written in 2005 when I first started going through these health issues. I sat down and read it, and yes, the tears began to flow even more. Prayer, apologies, communication, hugs and a broken heart is mended. Here is that poem…
HE CAN HEAL MY HEART
By: Bonita L. Ledzius…copyright 2005
If He can control the wind and the waves,
He can change my life.
If He can make the blind see and lame walk,
He can heal my heart.
If Christ can resurrect the dead,
Feed the multitude with fish and bread,
If Christ can overcome Satan’s darts,
He can heal my heart.
If He can face the cross alone,
He can see my fear.
If He can face the cold, dark tomb,
He can hold me near.
If Christ can overcome the grave,
Do it all our souls to save,
He can heal my heart
Where no one else can see.
He can change my life,
And heal the doubts in me.
Of all the miracles our mighty God can do,
If you let Him, He can heal you, too!
Please, take a moment to check out my daughter’s latest blog on Current U.S. History. She is trying to take her learning to research to blog about what she finds out about certain subjects. Here’s the link…